My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
