if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
