I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
