Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
