I want to make a zoo with you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
