A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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