Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have aggressive nipples.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am mentally ready for anal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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