Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
