how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize