she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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