you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
