OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
