I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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