So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How external is "for external use only"?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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