jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
