But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
