she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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