Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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