question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
