How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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