He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
