so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
