PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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