ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
