he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
