I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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