apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize