She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize