So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a beard to bite.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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