New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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