I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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