You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
