I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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