your parents love me but you hate me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
