do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize