I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
