im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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