Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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