just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
