Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
