Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
