I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
