I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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