dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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