Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
