Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
