apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
