Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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