Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
