I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
