There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
