On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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