Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
