i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
