no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
