just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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