8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
