just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
