mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
