Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
