I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
