your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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