my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
