i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
