I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
