she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
