I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
