Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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